A Dog's Guide to Housekeeping: 10 Tips for Keeping Your Home Clean (According to Your Dog)

A Dog's Guide to Housekeeping, A Letter to My Humans (Who Are Trying Their Best) WRITTEN BY YOUR DOG | THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT CLEANER BLOG

Hello. I'm your dog.

The furry one currently sleeping on the couch you specifically told me not to get on.

First, I'd like to thank you for providing unlimited snacks, belly rubs, and approximately 4,000 tennis balls that I refuse to play with once you throw them.

Second...I'd like to apologize for absolutely nothing.

I know you keep saying things like...

"Where is all this dog hair coming from?"

I don't know either. It's one of life's greatest mysteries.

But since you insist on keeping the house clean despite my best efforts, I've decided to help.

You're welcome.

Rule #1: The Paw Inspection Happens Before I Enter

Listen...

I enjoy mud. I enjoy puddles. I especially enjoy that one mysterious patch of dirt in the backyard.

But if you leave a towel or paw-cleaning station by the front door, you'll save yourself from chasing muddy paw prints across the kitchen five minutes later.

Think of it as airport security. Except fluffier.

Dog Approved Tip:

Keep a basket near the door with:

• Paw wipes

• A towel

• A leash hook

• Waste bags

• A small brush

Everything has a home—and so do muddy paws.

Rule #2: My Bed Needs a Bath Too

You wash your sheets. You should probably wash mine. Did you know that I spend approximately 18 hours a day sleeping?

The other six are dedicated specifically to rolling in highly questionable things that stink outside and getting belly rubs.

Dog beds collect:

• Fur

• Dirt

• Saliva

• Outdoor pollen

• Oils from my coat

• That mystery stink that you're pretending not to notice

• Other weird and questionable things

A quick wash every week or two makes a huge difference.

Trust me. Even my nose appreciates it.

Rule #3: Fur Travels Faster Than Gossip

You think it's just on the couch? That's adorable.

It's also on:

• The stairs

• The curtains

• Your socks

• Under the bed

• Behind the TV

• Ceiling fan blades

• Air vents

• The passenger seat of your car

• Somehow... inside the refrigerator?

Don't ask me how. I simply provide the fur. Nature does the rest.

Rule #4: Please Vacuum More Than the Middle of the Floor

Professional secret from someone who sheds professionally...

Hair collects around...

• Baseboards.

• Weird overlooked edges.

• Corners.

• Under furniture.

• Under rugs- do NOT ask me how!

• Behind doors.

• Those places your vacuum secretly hopes you'll ignore.

If you only vacuum the obvious spots, I promise you that my fur will simply regroup and return back in double... oh! and stronger than it was before!

Rule #5: Toys Need Homes Too

I know. I scattered seventeen toys across the living room.

But hear me out. If you keep one basket in every main room, even I can help clean up.

Okay...I probably won't.

But you'll likely have somewhere to throw them in thirty seconds instead of spending ten minutes hunting for my favorite squeaky dinosaur.

Rule #6: Stop Blaming Me for Every Smell

Sometimes it is me.

Sometimes it's...

• My blanket

• My collar

• My leash

• My food mat

• My water bowl

• The rug I drooled on

• The couch I secretly claimed

• The air filter that hasn't been changed since the last presidential election

See? I'm only responsible for... maybe half.

Rule #7: Brush Me Before I Decorate Your House

You know what's easier than vacuuming?

Not having so much fur to vacuum.

A few minutes of brushing outside can save hours of cleaning inside.

Plus... I get attention.

Everybody wins.

Rule #8: Choose Cleaning Products Wisely

My nose is about 40 times better than yours.

Some cleaning products smell overwhelming to me—even if you think they smell "fresh."

Whenever possible, choose products that are appropriate for homes with pets, and always follow label directions. Keep cleaners stored safely and allow surfaces to dry before I come in for my routine floor inspection.

(Yes... I inspect every floor.)

Rule #9: Don't Forget the Water Bowl Zone

Apparently, drinking water like a tiny splash park is frowned upon. Who knew?

Place a washable mat under my bowls.

You'll catch:

• Water

• Food crumbs

• Slobber

• My artistic interpretation of hydration

Rule #10: It's Okay to Ask for Help

Look... You're busy. You've got work. Kids. Life.

And then there's me...

Leaving little reminders that I exist all over the house.

Professional cleaners aren't replacing you.

They're giving you more time to spend throwing the tennis ball I probably won't bring back. That seems like a pretty good trade.

Final Thoughts From Your Dog

You don't need a spotless house.

You need a home where muddy paws are welcomed... Where blankets are covered in fur... Where toys somehow multiply overnight...

And where everybody feels comfortable.

I'll keep making messes. You keep loving me anyway.

Deal?

Now...

If you'll excuse me...

I have a squirrel to bark at.

Love,

Your Dog

(Professional Shedder. Amateur Housekeeper.)

ScrubPDX Pro Tip 🐾

A clean home and a happy dog can absolutely coexist. Small daily habits—like wiping paws, washing pet bedding, brushing regularly, and staying on top of fur—go a long way. And when life gets hectic, that's where we're happy to help.